Defeat is the frustrating and sad process of giving up, while a blast is enjoying an exciting experience. Believe it or not, they are related.
To my “How are you, today”, a friend quickly responded with: “Everything is going well at home and work, but the condition of the world describes the defeat I would feel if things changed.” That exchange sparked an interest in researching defeat.
My informal poll, have you ever experienced defeat? produced the following:
A physician leaned back, shut her eyes and began to think…do I suffer defeat? she said aloud. I bite off more than I can chew, sometimes, but I don’t identify that as defeat.
Angela sighed, I’m often overwhelmed and frantic about too many chores and responsibilities on my platter that I fear I can’t complete on time. That would qualify as defeat, I suppose.
Yes, indeed, I deal with defeat daily in little things. Steve shared. If my truck won’t start or chemicals get splashed or spilled, or if I get waylaid in any way, anything that keeps me from going.
Every day, a senior said. Absolutely! Especially with issues coming from outside myself that are not under my control, like medical problems. Sometimes, I feel like throwing my hands up! My Mom used to preach to me not to despair. That’s close to defeat.
I may struggle a little from apprehension until I discover the seriousness of the problem I face and whether I will be able to repair it, an older gentleman shared.
A caregiver said, “I struggle with defeat all day long, but I’m used to it. In my job there’s lots of opportunities to fail to do what people expect. Everyone I work with is different. Some people complain about me, but I’m harder on myself.
Research: used to describe something that causes or makes worse the problem that it was designed to avoid or solve Synonyms: aimless, fruitless, futile, no good, unwieldly. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative, self-defeating inner talk is corrosive to a happy life.
When we feel defeated, we often think, “this is it, it’s over.” I’m sorry, did I miss the obituary you’re in? You’re still alive and breathing. The story isn’t over until you drop dead. You can rest temporarily to recover as we all need to from time to time. But as long as you’re still breathing, you can still have a chance to live your life to the fullest. You’ve got much potential, don’t let the setbacks define your story.
Internal Defeat: Self-inflicted defeat: helplessness, uselessness, and often, “I can’t even please my mother,” afflicting many young and old is undeniably one of the strongest struggles to neutralize.
External Defeat: Out of hand causes threaten defeat along with anxiety stemming from unplanned situations which trigger various strains of defeat.
It's normal to feel defeated when you're overwhelmed by something. You didn't try hard enough; lost the game; offer was given to another, unable to repair something; didn’t qualify, didn’t make the team, weren’t invited, can’t reach my goal, etc. It’s evident that some people are more sensitive to not making the mark or facing failures of all kinds. Feelers—Heart-Logic softhearted—naturally have a tendency to take everything personally where Thinkers—Head Logic—naturally have a tendency to avoid personal feelings when something goes awry.
A good starter is telling ourselves to relax, giving yourself time to survey all the got-To’s stuffed in your mental basket. Mentally, pull them out one by one deciding if any can wait until tomorrow a few days, until next week or eliminated entirely. If you have too many jobs that you think have to be done pronto, do the least demanding one first to get your positive motivation started. It’s almost funny how you finally decide to “get that job done” and getting into it evolves into joy in being able to do it. Ideas seem to come as we launch into an undesirable chore that has fallen into our laps. We’re not alone, defeat in games, making the team, win the election, article/book rejection, house cleaned before company arrives, dealing with an obstinate child or teen, spousal disagreement, not up to par, disaster meal, “many little things that make up one’s day” bug many. How disappointments and discouragements are handled is the key, because there’s no way to avoid all the varieties of ‘defeating’ possibilities. My favorite personal remedy is saying to myself, “Is this going to matter in ten years?” The benefits of developing positive attitudes in adjustments are many. You can add to my five:
1. Acknowledging that everything we hoped for is not necessarily going to happen.
2. We learn the importance of time management.
3. We exemplify the valuable lesson in not accepting every request or ideas of our own.
4. Calming ourselves in tough times is a life-long assignment.
5. Modeling wise and mature attitudes for our children/students/family is wise teaching.
However, in keeping with the MBTI personality design, the last preference—Lifestyle –J and P—contribute just as much to the other preferences in understanding defeat. Jim and I substituted Structured for Judging and Spontaneous for Perceptive—for easier understanding. The world is 50/50 in this the Lifestyle Preference.
Structure marches to: Work it must be done—people who enjoy finishing a chore/project—have a tendency to put too many things on their platter that need to be finished. And if all things are not finished in the time frame that they allotted, they are apt to feel disgusted, disappointed and frustrated. They plan/wait to have fun. They work at having fun.
The Spontaneous prefer: Work it must be fun—people who enjoy the process of projects and crises, able to work tirelessly and unselfishly for hours until it’s over. They have fun no matter what they do and hardly ever refer to tough assignments as work. Our world is indebted to those who can think clearly in handling crises. They seem to think better when they have too-full platters. They would agree with the following a blast job description of J who also works full time.
I don’t have time to suffer defeat: The seasons are changing. I have to get our outdoor burner ready for another winter’s heating season.... pump has conked out so it’s gotta be fixed. Yesterday!
A neighbor just had an 80-foot ash tree come down and for taking it off his driveway, I get to keep the wood...it's easy access, great firewood, it’s a deal too good to say no to.
My welding chores got backed up, but I had to forge through a few things first before I will be able to weld them together to finish the project.
One of the tractors threw a blade because an earlier temporary fix finally failed so I'm back to mulling over which way I want to go on that project.
I got stone work on a spring house I built staring at me, and stone work to be done and a wall to move of a coal shack that I built which hasn’t been finished.
This is perfect weather for masonry but we're going to Cleveland on Saturday to help our son to move somewhere.
My brother is coming into town late in October and I have committed to help him clean out a shed on property that he owns. I'm having a blast!!!! Life is good. GOD has blessed us richly. J
Worry is a very common type of defeat and can be managed by counting our blessings, and purpose which is best managed by meditation and applying cognitive behavior—telling yourself the truth and sticking to it. To those of you who are spiritually inclined, the life-source including the Almighty gives direction and peace as goals are considered and adjusted neutralizing defeat, substituting the blast.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Eph. 3:16 NIV.
Are you burdened with any kind of defeat? click on https://ruthmcrobertsward.com/defeat-vs-a-blast/and view Kurt’s scene.