May/June 2025 ruthjimward@gmail.com Google: Ruth Ward Blogs
As May inched toward June, and I was motivated to clean the bottom of my closet, I vividly recalled our mother’s yearly spring-cleaning routine, involving salvaging outgrown but good clothing or shoes, and tossing rubble, encountering and tossing a spider or two, which always caused a quick scramble for me. Today’s job would not take long.
1. Inventory was simple: a full rack of pairs, boxes of dress shoes on shelves, walking shoes stacked in pairs and several styles of summer and winter house shoes. Since I rarely wear-out shoes, my collection includes 50-year-old leather loafers that I bought new from a church member--a precious memory of her.
2. All shoes moved completely out to sweep up dust, dead bugs and tossing any spiders, clean the shelves and floor with a damp cloth and polish the floor.
As I worked, I became aware of the simple steps that were needed to effortlessly create marvelous improvement of my shoes closet, which then led to becoming enamored with the resemblance of cleaning a shoe closet and the knowledge and importance of communication skills and the simple need to keep them available and at their best.
Communication skills need to have regular check-ups, making sure that we understand the best way to use them. Any abusive or hurtful skills should be identified and tossed. No matter the situation or age of the person with whom we’re conversing. Wise communication skills are bound to sweeten relationships by keeping the dialog low-key, respectful and kind.
Perhaps, you have forgotten exactly what those skills are. Disuse leads to unsatisfactory conversations.
COMMUNICATION SKILLS REVIEW:
Conversing involves subject matter requiring active listening, speaking—volume and tone, eye contact--not staring or looking away, timing--beneficial pausing--and appropriate body language (Previously discussed in blogs (Google Ruth Ward Blogs).
Communication skills/guidelines can/should-be applied to marriage, family (babies-90+) friends, reps, work, clerks and strangers, but require regular review/improvement—behavioral updates.
Informal Google Research:
A strong communication skills performance review highlights both strengths and areas to effectively convey information, both verbally and in writing, and build rapport with family, colleagues and clients. Examples include praising clear articulation, active listening, and effective engagement in conversations or handling difficult conversations.
Active listening: "Your active listening skills demonstrate a genuine interest in understanding others' perspectives," Personio.
- Effective written communication: "Your written communication is clear, concise, and persuasive, making reports easy to understand," noted by Quantum Workplace.
- Rapport building: "Your ability to build rapport with colleagues and clients fosters a positive and collaborative work environment," according to Personio.
- Constructive feedback: "You consistently provide thoughtful and constructive feedback to peers, helping them to grow," states PRIMALOGIK.
- Engagement in discussions: "You effectively guide group discussions and ensure that all opinions are heard and valued," according to echometerapp.com.
- Be empathetic and supportive: Create a safe and supportive environment where the employee feels comfortable receiving feedback and taking steps toward growth.
- Eye Contact a crucial nonverbal communication skill that significantly impacts the effectiveness of interactions. It can convey engagement, trust, and confidence, while also helping to build rapport and enhance understanding. Effective eye contact involves maintaining a connection with the listener for a few seconds, then subtly shifting gaze before re-establishing contact.
Knowing just a little about how people are designed in relating to others, eases difficult conversations. I’m just discussing one part of the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator. Understanding Others Aids Clear Communication and Good Relationships:
In our world, by God’s design, Introversion is preferred by 25% and Extroversion 75 %. Introverts are more private; Extroverts are outgoing. Everyone knows that Introverts have been described as seeing the glass half-empty and Extroverts see the glass half-full. Fortunately, everyone has access to both preferences, the less preferred trait becomes a shadow side/assistant. Very handy.
Introverts are mysteries to Extroverts because they listen, then speak, they do not wear smiles all the time, are quiet, private, keep confidences and need time to mull over possible responses. In turn, Extroverts are mysteries to Introverts because they speak, then think. Actually, they don’t know what they think until they hear themselves talk. Then, they might say, “No, that’s not what I believe.”, are usually smiling, taking a positive side, no matter what, giving the impression that nothing bothers them, can talk non-stop, but are often loud. Introverts depend on Extroverts to shelter them from too many people, too much talk/noise. The bottom line is: conversation/noise drain an Introvert, where the same charges-up Extroverts. Extroverts extract energy from others.
My basic encouragement to Extroverts is to invite an Introvert to share his or her opinion, or experience, preferably by using an ‘I” statement, such as “Ted, I’d like to hear about your new position.” Small introverted children and teens require the same understanding. My experience with introverts has been their quietness until it’s just you and her/him driving someplace.
War Words: Should, ought must and need preceded by the pronoun, you, cause conflicts, whether you are speaking with a teenager, ten-year-old, four-year-old, your spouse, sibling, parent, employer, friend or neighbor coming across as a parental statement—a command--which is met with negativity.
Honest I Statements: Rephrasing your request, reply, suggestion or opinion preceded by “I”.
“I” statements are merely honest opinions, which is everyone’s privilege. This communication skill requires a little time to perfect, but it has softened many battles in my clients’ lives, as well as my own.
The Heart Logic group—60% female/40% male--are wise to bear in mind that ‘what a person says or does, reveals more about them than you’.
The following examples will help you to include this simple communication skill.
“I would like you to take your bath now”, “I would like to you to be home before 10 pm.” I need time to think this over.” To a 3-year-old resisting bed time, “I’ll beat you to the bedroom”, or “I will pick up more toys than you can. "
“I recommend that you wear this sweater since it will be cool at school. ”I suggest to my clients that they make a list of “I” statements covering different people and situations in order to have them on the tip of their tongue.
It’s rather amusing when one begins using this ‘honest I’ strategy, the other person senses something has changed, but they can’t put their finger on it. But I guarantee that it will work. Every time. You will smile.
Please feel free to send comments, observations or questions using the email at the top.
My book, “How to Get Along with Everyone” (Available via Amazon) outlining various personalities is a quick source for understanding others as well as yourself. A quick overview will refresh memories. Or, google Ruth Ward blogs, and find information used in this blog. (Another Ruth Ward blog exists, but my maiden name, McRoberts, will specify.)
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lam. 3:22-23
The Lord is always present as we live and work. Just as we straighten up our belongings, we can also straighten-up our remarks. God is always with us, encouraging our dependence on him.