Part 6: Decision Making Heart-Logic (Feelers) Softhearted and Tenderhearted

Part 6:  Decision Making Heart-Logic (Feelers) Softhearted and Tenderhearted

Do What Feels Comfortable (Feeling) Heart-Logic

Making Heart-Logic decisions are easier and more natural to use for fifty percent of the general population.

Sixty percent of Females prefer Feeling Heart Logic Decisions along with forty percent (a high minority) of Males. Making choices that benefit every-day lives attracts Heart-Logic people to Careers and jobs such as sales, social work, medical, teaching, and service endeavors. They give endless energy and time in helping others.

Emotional decision-makers are strongly influenced by their own and others’ needs and opinions. Ranking more important than saving money, time, or energy, maintaining harmony, getting others’ approval, and sidestepping arguments take precedence with Feeling deciders. Their disdain for confrontations coupled with criticisms become a frequent communication hurdle, but strategies for positive management are simple to embrace.

Before the Softhearted make a decision, they consider how others will receive it. In other words Feelers want approval before they decide big and little things. Unfortunately, silence to Feelers means disapproval—you shouldn’t go, do it, buy it, etc. Feelers have to own their decisions and get used to how strangely it feels to stand up for their opinions and decisions. Recall that Thinkers expect approval for their decisions and others’ silence indicates approval to them.

Tenderhearted men and women are naturally apologetic and avoid hurting feelings. They are skilled at gift-wrapping or explaining their statements prefacing their opinions with such conciliatory remarks as “You may disagree with me, but..” They generally choose the flexible word ‘feel’ more often than the decisive word ‘think’.

To avoid criticism, Feelers are likely to dance all around a subject before getting to the facts of the issue at hand, an irritant to Thinkers. “Just tell me what happened, what you mean, what you’re afraid of”, Thinkers urge.

Although they dislike disagreements and fights, Feelers are most often the ones involved in scraps, because their sensitive emotions easily erupt over hurt feelings, rejections, and slights. Many cry easily in response to either good or bad news. Shedding tears is not bad or weak, just normal.

Because Feelers do not want to disappoint anyone, they do many things they don’t want to do, saying ‘yes’ when they really mean ‘no’. Consequently, others find it easy to take advantage of their generosity of time, money, and energy. They treat others as they would like to be treated and expect others to return the favor. Feelers get hurt first, then angry when their work, gifts or favors are overlooked or unappreciated. When others do not reciprocate, Softhearted men and women may experience anger, jealousy, self-pity, or resentment. Feeling deciders are likely to put high unspoken demands on others and then suffer emotional hurt when their expectations are ignored or unfulfilled.

Feelers function better with approval, affirmation, appreciation, acceptance, affection (the A words) which Thinkers are reticent to give since trust and respect suit them fine. “It’s difficult to give what you don’t need”, they plead. Conversely, Feelers find it difficult to withhold from others what they like to give. Feelers constantly battle mixed emotions since decisions based on impersonal data is a difficult assignment. The softhearted want everyone to like them, even those they dislike. Although Feelers have great difficulty living or working without peace and harmony, we all know that insisting on peace at any cost is problematic. When apprehensive about a tough final decision, Feeling (Heart-Logic) deciders benefit from consulting with a trusted (Head-Logic) Thinker.

Our world is indebted to Feeling males and females for insisting on and fighting for peace and harmony. They are often the ones who give a person ‘one more chance,’ cold facts notwithstanding.

But, just like Head-Logic females have to accept their decisive natures, Heart-Logic males are wise to accept their soft-hearted nature.  Thinking dads often have difficulty accepting a Feeling son. For helps, check our book, Coaching Kids on Kindle. All Feelers—Male and Female--have to learn to be intentional with decisions and stick to them without fearing whether everyone is going to agree or be pleased.  Practice works!


I for Introversion     E for Extroversion

S for Sensing             N for introversion

T for Thinking         F for Feeling

Lifestyle Preference -- Structured (Judging) /sPontaneous (Perceptive) to consider before we arrive at our four MBTI letters.