Navigating Relationship Stuckness

Navigating Relationship Stuckness

A Blogger-reader sent the following:

“I was tracking with you until the idea of stuckness within a relationship, particularly an unresolved heated argument was described. I think that has hit a nerve. I do not see that tension changing with further communication. I believe bringing it up would just bring more harsh words when the relationship at this point seems pretty stable. I do believe that accepting the other person is not going to change them while my understanding who they are gives me the power to become unstuck. Also forgiving.

So, just because I remember a heated argument where my feelings were hurt does not mean I'm stuck. I have forgiven and moved on. I wouldn't even have thought about it had I not read this post. Maybe it's a scar rather than a festering wound. I've come to accept and appreciate the person right where they are with their differing personality type. Or maybe even a similar personality type. Do similar personalities get along better with each other. Does ‘same’ always mean happy?

If getting unstuck requires hearing words or seeing action of someone else, the power of becoming unstuck is dependent on someone else, then I would stay stuck. I was tremendously abused and for a long time I wanted the person that abused me to confess. I had to move forward with forgiving and praying for that person so I could heal. And it is an objective choice, not a feeling. It's not quite like I feel okay that he hasn't confessed. it's more like I wish he would but he hasn't. It is what it is, and I'm not letting it ruin my day. I can say it's not in my power so I can dismiss it when it comes to mind. I can let go. Do similar personalities get along better with each other? Does same always mean happy?”

Thank you, Blogger Friend for sending you insightful presentation of your practical and spiritual navigation of relationship stuckness and giving me permission to share it to enlighten and encourage others. Check out a recent exceptional comment submitted to Identifying Stuckness from a nurse/counselor.

You have unearthed my favorite counseling techniques in communication skills in taking time to consider the personality-design of the person who is giving you problems, then applying understanding and appreciation. You have wisely elected not to insist that the other person admit they wronged you or say the “I’m sorry” words. You chose to forgive and go on with your life. It’s a positive solution and perfectly okay to limit your association with a person(s) who emits tension.  The soft-hearted feel obligated to like everyone, feeling guilty if they are uncomfortable. Being cordial to them and resisting turning others against that person is the kindest way to deal with them. If your vibes send you ‘be on your guard’ messages, take them seriously.

Your question about  same personalities getting along and does ‘same’ mean ‘happy’ takes me to my file cabinet full of same preferences couples of every temperament/type/personality who sought counseling as well as the majority who chose partners different in at least two preferences and some with three or four. Possessing same preferences doesn’t guarantee ‘happy’ but like-personalities do enjoy the ease with each other because they think and behave alike or very similar, but often they become bored with each other or become competitive. Read the testimonial of the couple with three preferences in common In How to Get Along with Everyone chapter 2, pg 21.

Everyone is unique, so even sharing the same temperament/personality, there will be definite differences in depth and abilities. A project I was involved with years ago involved twenty ENFJ professional writers across America who shared their similarities. It was such fun and enlightening to discover how much alike we were but the final report was that we were all quite individual in our behavior and thought processes. This is discussed in the interpretation in How To Get Along With Everyone considering the influence family, schools, teaching and community have on our personalities.

Your thinking and feeling preferences go so much deeper than for many which reflects on your being a Spontaneous Feeling Intuitive. I pray that you will continue to get full release of the  painful abuse experiences. There’s nothing dearer than the peace of God which accompanies forgiveness of wrong-doers. As Phil. 4:7 (NIV) says and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.