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The subject of joy beckoned me onto a word-study trail, which is one of my favorite hikes. That tiny word has more than 30 synonyms along with many adjective forms. Joy is defined as an emotional noun with two distinctive styles: situational (outside) and cultivated (inside). Understanding and heeding the inside and out of joy keeps one’s world joyfully balanced, and confidently managed from inner peace.
Situational Joy: Happiness/joyfulness resulting from external events, circumstances, visits, words: “What a joy to see you! Helping you has been a great joy and privilege. Hearing about your new home has brought me real joy. I’m so happy to meet you. I appreciate all you’ve done to check on me, and. for fixing my clock. Thanks for being here. etc. Seems like the little things are appreciated the most.
Recently, I experienced a full load of external joy and happiness as 70 other relatives of our five siblings from eight states gathered, greeted, hugged and visited as we unloaded our vehicles for the week-long McRoberts Campout Reunion. Reuniting with family was a marvelous joy.
Deep-seated Joy: Cultivated--emerging from the inside and sticking around longer. Deep-seated Joy has a more-enduring feeling of well-being, rooted in a sense of purpose and obviously a more deliberate choice. Understanding the difference and purpose between the two normal aspects enables a person to prioritize what’s casual and enjoyable and what is cultivated and strategic in decision making.
At 14½, I became acquainted with deep-seated, cultivated joy byn observing my mother as she adjusted to our dad’s (who she loved dearly) surprising desertion two weeks before Christmas, leaving her with six children, 5-20 years--four living in a rental house, no car and penniless. One of Mom’s brothers and his wife, responded immediately to her dilemma visited for several days, comforting, advising and assisting her with making emergency decisions. I’m certain that they did some praying, too.
Mom accepted Grandma Annis’ (her mother) emergency offer of an empty rental three-room house close to her. It had no water and was scheduled to be torn down. The next Saturday—the first Saturday in January, our Methodist Hedges Chapel church family arrived with hot soup for lunch and several pickups. Loaded up, we traveled in tandem the 30-minute drive to Chillicothe.
As the men and boys began to unload 14 rooms of furniture into three rooms, Mom had to quickly decide what would fit into that very small cottage. Beds, one chest of drawers, kitchen table, etc. And she chose to keep the piano, which turned out to be an excellent choice but took up a lot of space. She used to say that the walls in that little house were rubber. We all slept in the only bedroom and shared one closet and a chest of drawers.
I vividly recall talking with Mac wondering how this would all work. But we never questioned Mom’s decisions even though before this calamity we were not aware of her making decisions. But evidently, she had been quietly in charge of as much as she could handle. Dad travelled two weeks at a time, so he wasn’t around to give day to day direction.
Although Mom was obviously sad, greatly distressed and concerned, I saw no signs of her wringing her hands about what she should do or crying about the unfair and difficult situation that had been dumped on her. She remained calm and peaceful. She didn’t complain about her problems nor apologize for what she couldn’t help, and never criticized Dad. We were not involved in mom’s decisions, but it was evident that she was quietly and confidently in charge. Even if we didn’t agree, we honored her decisions.
No sacrifice on Mom’s part would be too great. Mentally, her main goal was to keep all of her children together. “The greatest sacrifice,” she told me later, “was not being able to be a stay-at-home mom. Mom, as far as I knew, didn’t cry or appear to be stricken in any way. She was steady, peaceful and calm. Deep-seated peace is what I observed, and where did it come from? Even though mom never lectured us, we knew she had a deep personal faith in Christ.
Fortunately, Mom found a good-paying factory job with ALCOA just coming to the area and beginning to hire. “I was the first one hired”, she proudly announced. Her job was the matron of the women’s bathroom, where she was stationed all day long. She could read, visit and write letters.
As we three teens were adjusting to school and part time jobs, Mac said that Mom took time to check up on for why he was late getting home, where he had been and with whom. One time when she had trouble believing me, she said ‘Come on Mac’. “She never questioned me,” I said. “Well, that was because you were a good little girl,” he replied. “But I wanted her to ask me questions. It would have made me feel important.” I was primarily responsible for David. Homework, bathing and teaching him how to work”. Many times, I had to take him on my dates because no one was available to stay with him. Little did I know that being responsible for him was a privilege that taught me concern for another’s welfare. David and I have a unique bond.
But the most important decision Mom made was to get us into a local church. Rev. Tuttle and Tyler EUB church which embraced our family without asking questions and helped us to grow spiritually. We all agree that the hardship we faced was actually the best thing that could have happened.
During our reunion group-interview a couple weeks ago, how we survived was the information the younger audience was most interested in hearing. We were all of the same mind: —by working together and never feeling sorry for ourselves.
During last week’s phone visit, Mac and I were discussing the indelible impression of Mom quietly taking the reins of a seemingly impossible financial situation. Mac’s memory regarding Mom’s deep-seated joy is that she was steady and strong. “She was definitely in charge”, he added
Cultivating this deeper joy involves the discipline of contemplation, wisdom, options, and patience resulting in wise decision-making, confidence and peace which seems to bubble from inside. This deep-seated joy tends to be positive and long-termed reliant on reinforcement of information and practice.
When one endeavors to cultivate deep-seated joy, depending on scripture and prayer is encouraging: The Apostle Paul is a good example: He begged God three times to take away his malady (theologians believe it must have been eye problems). God answered him with these words: My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9. God often uses bitter experiences to make us better/stronger.
Thousands of years ago, when the Children of Israel were experiencing many hardships and having to make strategic decisions, God encouraged them to cultivate deep-seated joy when through Isaiah the Prophet by saying: “Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.” Isa: 30:21 NIV.
Prayer: Lord, help me to trust you, especially when my life
seems discordant and out of tune. I thank you because I’m part of your symphony and your song is perfect. Amen
Even there Your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Ps. 139:10 (NIV).
The Lord God is my strength and my song. Isa. 12:2. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Ps. 18:2 (NIV).
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom 15:13 (NIV).
Oh, the joys of those who…delight in the law of the lord, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the river bank…the leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do. Ps 1:1-3.
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity… understand what the Lord’s will is. Eph. 5:15-17. (NIV).