Mom’s Inner Joy Goal

We’ve examined two aspects of joy---Situational: comes and goes--happiness, and Inner: sticks around through thick and thin—private, helpful in making difficult decisions toward goal-reaching and heartfelt gratification.

Google Research: Inner joy stems from internal factors like mindfulness, self-compassion, gratitude, and spiritual connections, as well as external actions such as helping others, maintaining healthy relationships, and engaging in meaningful activities. It is a deep-seated sense of well-being, distinct from fleeting happiness that may depend on external events.

Deep-seated joy is cultivated from early-on training, and continues as a person matures mentally, physically and spiritually, continuing through intentional cultivation of a reservoir of understanding, wisdom and confidence which leads to peaceful and satisfying solutions.  Deep-seated Joy facilitates everyday common-sense decisions as well as strategic/premeditated decisions involving the ‘bottom-falling-out’ kind that our mother experienced.  

On a Monday morning, seventy-eight years ago, two weeks before Christmas, John, Mac and I--teens—ready to catch the school bus--were alerted by Mom who had just opened an envelope from Dad who left earlier on his traveling salesman job, which contained $50 and a scribbled note--“Going South; see you in two weeks.”  Mom was dazed; we were speechless. After a brief pause, she said, sadly. “He won’t be back,” And she was right. Mac remembered that a few minutes later she said, “But we’ll stay together.”  

We were used to Dad’s two and sometimes three-week trips, during which Mom managed well. We were aware that Dad loved mom and she loved him-they were very affectionate. Subconsciously, we were confident that mom would know how to work through whatever was going on with Dad. 

She prayerfully thought through the difficult decisions that would have to be made considering the facts that she was penniless, rent on the farm house was due, without transportation, and responsible for four school-aged children--David was 6. That evening, she called our sisters—Shirley and Jane--who held jobs and shared an apartment in Columbus, to tell them what had happened. They said that they’d come home on the weekend.

Mom rarely asked for outside help, but in this situation, she called her brother Fred, and his wife, Lurabelle.  They came that morning and were here when we came home from school.  We were relieved because it was obvious that they had comforted, encouraged and advised Mom, and had taken her to the courthouse in Columbus where she filed desertion papers. She also filed for total custody of the children, primarily to enable 20-year-old Shirley, scheduled to get married in February, and needing to get a marriage license. Ohio’s law stipulated that marriage applicants under the age of 21 required both parents’ signatures. Since there was no guarantee that Dad would return home in time to sign, with full custody, Mom’s signature would suffice.

Shirley and Jane, with their boyfriends, came on the weekend. They had pooled their money for groceries, as well as a live Christmas tree that they set up and decorated. They brought wrapped gifts for everyone. It was not only an early Christmas, but a delightful and memorable celebration.  That next week, Uncle Fred informed mom that he had arranged for a move to Chillicothe the next Saturday into a three-room rental cottage belonging to Grandma. One drawback, besides the size, was no running water. We began to pack our things.

I wrote previously, about the move the 2nd Saturday of January, when members of our Methodist church brought hot soup and sandwiches for our family and the men who brought several pickups to move our belongings.  They drove in tandem 40 miles to Chillicothe. The pickups pulled in front of the little house with fourteen rooms of furniture carrying. They summoned Mom to tell them what she wanted and where. That must have been a sad assignment for mom, but there was no display of grief. The things that wouldn’t fit were stored in a shed Grandma owned.

Mom made sure that we would find a church, and I don’t know how we all got ready the next morning in time to be picked up by Mom’s sister and her husband who lived close by for Sunday School and Church. Words cannot express how blessed Mother, John, Mac, David and I were to be embraced by Rev. Tuttle, Tyler EUB pastor, Bible teachers, a youth group, choir and the congregation. Thet took us under their wings and treated us with respect and love. They were thrilled to have us. Their love, and teaching became a solid foundation.  

Another interesting twist to this story is that after we had time to get settled, Jane came home for the weekend to see how we were doing. While there, she made a visit across the street to Uncle Fred and Aunt Lurabelle’s home. She shared with Aunt Lurabelle that she just felt empty and didn’t know why. She led Jane to the Lord, and the next evening, Uncle Fred led John—going on 17--to also accept Christ. That evening, Jane and John shared with Mac and me. Aunt Lurabelle brought bibles, study guides and told us how to grow in the Lord.

In working together in making that little house livable and pretty, it soon became our haven. And learning to survive in our destitute—having nothing, cramped in a small place, a strong bond was formed that still exists to this day. Even though we had none of the physical necessities--home, car, bank account—on which to fall back, Mom didn’t fall apart. We had many questions about finances and how we’d get places, but we didn’t ask questions, just trusted Mom’s judgment.

Even though Mom received no financial support from Dad, she never criticized him, complained or apologized for what she couldn’t help. Being a homemaker for 20 years had come to an end.  She knew she’d have to get a job. That next week, mom found work at a greenhouse 5 minutes from our house. She enjoyed working with plants and flowers, but $18 dollars a week was hardly going to be adequate.

John, Mac and I found after-school jobs close by or near enough to ride bikes. Even 6-year-old David got a paper route. As I chatted with him about this blog and what he remembered, he said “We were too happy to be poor.”  However, with news that ALCOA was moving to Chillicothe, mom applied and was the first person hired. With her paycheck along with our after-school jobs, financial needs were met.

From here on is what Mom told me a few months later when after her factory job and my after-school jobs we visited as we relaxed on the ‘porch swing’ that hung beneath two large trees. I asked her how she kept from falling apart with Dad’s leaving.  She said that after Dad’s desertion circled through their immediate families, that one of the aunts advised her to split the kids up to various aunt and uncles’ homes assuring her that she would not be able to financially and physically be able to take care of such a large family. Mom said she cringed at that suggestion. Her goal was to keep her children together and she asked God to help her no matter what sacrifice she would have to make.  Her sacrifice was giving up being home to take care of her children.

Mom shared that Dad had left her several times when she had small children. Her experiences in dealing with Dad’s irresponsibility, gave her confidence and strengthened her faith. She thanked God daily for giving her wisdom and understanding as she parented her children.

It was obvious to us throughout our adjustment that Mom depended on her reservoir  of common sense, wisdom and understanding from God woven together by her deep faith which gave her deep-seated joy and peace.  She was a marvelous mom.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isa 41:1- (ESV). My purpose is that they may be encouraged …and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Eph. 2:2-3